How to Safely Navigate the Feelings of Both/And

Have you ever found yourself in two places at the same time?

One of my favorite amusement parks to visit as a child was Carowinds. Both North and South Carolina could claim bragging rights to this park because it is nestled on the border of both states.

I will always remember the time I was in two places at the same time-left foot in Charlotte, NC and my right foot in Fort Mill, SC. I thought it was the coolest thing ever to be in two places at the same time.

I was reminded of that experience recently while looking at a social media graphic.

“It is possible to be hurt and heal at the same time.”

Oh, how I could relate to being in both places at the same time while not fully existing in either.

It’s Complicated

The adoption reunion experience is complicated and brings with it its own set of challenges. I vividly remember being in the room with members of my birth family and feeling like an outsider.

Trying to navigate the myriad of emotions and navigating new relationships can be extremely difficult. Even worse than that, being acknowledged as an afterthought can be a tough pill to swallow.

I can’t count the times an “innocent” oversight has brought me to tears and made me question would I ever be enough to be fully embraced by the one who gave birth to me. 

Rejection hurts.

I have rationalized and drawn conclusions about others actions and behaviors, only to end up more confused.

I am grateful that I learned it is not my responsibility to analyze or understand someone else’s actions.  It is not my job to make someone love and accept me.

It is my responsibility to ask God to heal me completely.

Healing is Available

Christ didn’t bear the wounds on the cross just to heal us physically (Isaiah 53:5). He desires that we are completely healed and whole. (III John 1:2)

Ultimately, there is a decision that must be made. Would I spend time crying and sulking over things I did not have the power to change or would I finally surrender my complete brokenness to God and ask Him to heal me?

After screaming LOUDLY–

Throwing a can of breadcrumbs across the kitchen

AND

Kicking the laundry room door (ouch!), I retreated to my room to cry out to God.

Oh, how I wish that I had gone there first!

After the tears were dried, I realized several truths:

• I can’t let my emotions control me
• I must be willing to face myself
• Once I acknowledge my wrongs, I need to repent
• I must open my heart and accept Jesus’ love and forgiveness
• I must cultivate a lifestyle of worship

Today, I have the victory in an area that once caused deep pain. 

I recognize situations that may be triggers and I guard my heart with all diligence.

Several days after my meltdown, I fasted and asked God to heal me everywhere I hurt.

In those days I stood in the position of both/and.

There were days when I felt the hurt and I longed for the healing.

As long as I rehearsed the hurtful words and contemplated what healing could look like, I could not move forward. However, once I surrendered all the hurt to God and sincerely asked Him to change me, the path to complete healing and wholeness became crystal clear.

What I know for sure is that this same healing is available for you too, my friend!